Study finds bereaved mothers heal through giving

The death of a baby is an unimaginable - and devastating - life event for families. For some mothers, lactation after loss only compounds their pain. “For many mothers, physical reminders such as lactation, can seem incongruent when motherhood has been cut short,” says Katherine Carroll, postdoctoral research fellow at the University of Technology.

Lactation after infant death

While advice to mothers who choose to stop lactating is abundant, moms who have experienced the loss of a child need support too, and it often isn’t talked about. These moms face a real struggle in trying to come to terms with what feels like insurmountable pain, while still lactating.

So, what do they do? “It’s extremely important for health professionals to discuss lactation with bereaved mothers to prevent complications,” states Carroll.

Nursing moms - bereaved or not - can’t just put the brakes on lactating. To do so could result in complications, such as engorgement, clogged ducts, or even painful mastitis. They should continue pumping to help their bodies adjust to the decreased demand, and instead of this excess breastmilk going to waste, as difficult as it is, the idea of donating excess breastmilk should be raised.

Healing Through Giving

New research has shown some mothers found donating their breastmilk helped them through their grief. Twenty-one bereaved mothers were interviewed about their experience of expressing and donating breastmilk after the death of their baby, and researchers found donating helped these moms through the grieving process.

By helping sick preemies, moms were able to ‘give back’, in a way - to honor their little one, feel empowered by providing the gift of life, help another mom through her own stress-filled, traumatic birth experience, and maybe even provide a positive memory of what is undoubtedly a heart breaking situation.

How to donate breastmilk

When a baby is born prematurely, breastfeeding isn’t always an option. Breast or nipple feedings can be strenuous for their tiny bodies, or they may not be able to latch, suck, or swallow. So preemie moms usually pump their breastmilk to establish and maintain their milk supply. In so doing, they build up a supply of frozen breastmilk. When preemies don’t recover, sadly, many of those mothers simply don’t want to discard their frozen milk. Donating their milk for other premature babies may help them remember their own baby and work through their grief and loss.

The entire breastmilk donation qualification process takes around three to four weeks, and newly pumped milk or previously collected frozen milk up to 10 months from the date of pumping can be accepted. In order to donate, you have to complete an online application.

You’ll also need your primary caregiver to sign a medical review form. Once this is complete, you will provide a DNA and blood sample, one which is used to match the milk with the qualified donor and the other which is sent for viral testing. This prevents the risk of contamination and babies receiving milk from donors who have not yet been qualified. Once approved, you are given freezer bags and shipping materials to make it easy to donate your breastmilk.

What happens to donated breastmilk

Donated breastmilk undergoes rigorous testing for bacteria, viruses, drugs, and other potential contaminants. It is then turned into human milk nutritional products, available only to hospitalized preemies. The newborns reap the benefits of a 100 percent human milk diet, instead of subsisting on formula products made from cow’s milk. Parents never “get over” the death of a child.

And every bereaved mother’s experience is different. There are no handbooks or timetables for times like these. But, if the unthinkable happens, it’s important to ensure a bereaved mother is supported, educated, and given the chance to donate her breastmilk.